Friday, 29 July 2011

With friends like these... who needs enemies?!

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I hadn't realised my last blog was on Monday!!

It's been a strange week of sorts. Monday is always a bad day, it's the start of the week and no one wants to get out of bed!!

So, Amy Winehouse passed away at the weekend. It seems that this was reported all over the internet and she was being compared to the likes of Michael Jackson! I find this a little frustrating, not least because I'm a very big MJ fan but also, Amy Winehouse could not have held a candle to the talent that was and still is Michael Jackson. I don't feel bad that she died. People die every day and they don't make the news because they're not "famous" enough!! In all honesty, I don't know much about AW and her life but from what I heard she was a drug addict and had an addictive personality. Of course it's sad that she died, she was someone's daughter, someone's friend, someone's girlfriend and these people have all lost her forever, so yeah that's sad but I'm bored now of seeing the statuses, being invited to candlelight vigils (seriously!!) seeing shows on TV and reading about it wherever I read the news (papers, internet etc).

I'm also rather bored of this whole phone hacking 'scandal'! Everyone is reacting like it's a recent and 'hidden' thing!! Really?! Come on!! We've known about this for AGES! Does anyone REALLY think that we can trust the media and the papers? Not just ANY papers but the TABLOIDS!! Hello?! We cannot trust anyone in a position of power in this country! They're all corrupt b@$t@rd$!!





So back to me and my week!!

The weekend just gone as you may recall, I spent with my other half at his parent's place.
Surprisingly, I had a very nice time. I'm not sure if it was down to the Kalms or just that it was a particularly lovely afternoon!

By time we'd stuffed our stomachs with delicious food we were all exhausted! The parents moved down the garden to have a chat and soak up a little sun and the kids were tearing it up at the park. It seemed the only thing left to do was snooze!!


I'm not very good at this whole "afternoon nap" thing but when you're exhausted you just gotta give in!! As I'd already figured, I woke up feeling dizzy and disoriented and had a wonderful headache!! Getting a shower and getting ready for the evening sorted me out though!

It was back to the realities of home on Sunday and a half-snooze on the coach! Queue renewed headache and dizziness! 



I'm sure you've already read about my Monday. Lets move on to the rest of my week.

A strange thing happened on Tuesday. I woke up when my partner left for work and I couldn't go back to sleep but I didn't want to get out of bed! I signed into MSN messenger on my Blackberry and decided to chat to the world from my pit!

I had a friend request which I found a little strange as I hadn't recently swapped emails with anyone recently. Anyway, I thought nothing of it and accepted. The person's 'username' was exactly the same as a friend's username and I was a little concerned! I blocked this user and then promptly got another friend request. I recognised the face of this contact so I accepted. I said "hey" and proceeded to have a conversation. I knew I recognised the face but I couldn't for the life of me place it!! 

I had a look through some old contacts and emails and I figured it out!! This was the apparent face of my internet stalker!! I couldn't believe it!! 



I thought I'd finally got shot of this bitch!! I was mulling things over when something occurred to me. What if those two friend requests were the same person? What if the person who had actually set up both of these accounts were not actually my stalker but someone pretending to be my stalker?! But why?! 

It didn't take me long to figure out who this person actually was!  It turns out it was one of my BEST friends!! I asked a few questions that I knew only one person would know the answer to. He played right into my hands!! 

I was absolutely furious!! I couldn't believe someone who I'd considered a close friend and who KNOWS what I went through with my stalker would do something like this to me!! 

I signed out of MSN and went to get out my computer. I got onto Facebook as I knew he 'liked' my statuses quite regularly. I ranted that someone was trying to fuck with me and I knew who they were. He didn't say anything. I tried a different tactic. I then posted "People who try to screw with other people's lives ought to be a little more careful. I know who you are and if you don't fess up I'm going to the police". Still no response. I signed back into MSN and my "friend" messaged me saying "Hey, how do you know who it is?" and I just told him that "you can't bullshit a bullshitter and I'm the biggest one I know!" He laughed and went quiet. I was fuming!! I knew it was him, he OBVIOUSLY knew it was him and he wasn't prepared to give himself up!! 




Had he fessed up right there and then I may have been able to forgive him. Of course, I would have been pissed given the insensitivity of what he'd done but he simply didn't have the balls!! 


This was what he said about the whole thing:

  • Right it was onli meant 2 start as a joke, but it got out of hand! I shouldn't av done it and I no I was so wrong! I onli meant 2 just play about and not hurt anyone! U no I don't wanna mess anything up between us now were friends again, I was so stupid 2 do this and Im am so very sorry, I never meant any harm or hurt and I didn't think I would take it so far! Again I am so sorry that I did this and I onli meant it 2 b a little funny, until I went 2 far!

      

  • What am I supposed to do now?! What am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to trust ANYONE?!

    I now have a feeling that HE was behind this "stalking"!! 

    I have trust issues anyway, that's part of who I am but when someone completely takes the piss like that it shakes me to the very core!! 




I mean, do people REALLY do that?! Do people actually LIE about having mental illnesses?! I mean, yes I know that people exaggerate like the "friend" from college who claimed to be depressed but to outright LIE!! He would know for a fact that I wouldn't think him a freak. Not least because I have my own mental issues!! 

If anyone has been betrayed before you may have a slight idea as to how this may feel but this is something that not only has contributed to and exacerbated my Bipolar Disorder but it has rocked the foundations of my relationship too! This 'So Called Friend' knew how bad I felt about being stalked and harassed and was often the shoulder I'd cry on!



What would honestly drive someone to be so twisted?!

So the rest of Tuesday passed by in a bit of a blur really! I felt so hurt and confused by everything and I felt like I'd been hit by a high speed train! I hardly slept that night.

I had to buck my ideas up for Wednesday as I'd organised a photoshoot with some new friends. Of course, I plastered on a smile and carried on as if things had never happened!!

Wednesday night I had the most horrific nightmares!! I guess that would be a combination of stress and alcohol!



Thursday passed me by in a tired and grumpy blur! I didn't do much and tried not to think much.

Today I was back at work. I like to get back to work and out and about. I feel human again. Even though my job can be stressful I love it and I seem to be very 'well' when I'm working.

I also went to the doctors today (small whoop) to pick up some registration forms!! It's not a lot but it's a start!! 

I'm now kind of over the whole issue on Tuesday (blogging it helps). It hurts like hell, of course it does but there's no point in getting angry about it because that will just fester away and rear it's ugly head again! 

I'm feeling like I'm the right way up again now and dwelling on things will only shake me again and I don't want to be in that position!! 


So that was my week! How was yours?! 

Keep Smiling :(: 

Monday, 25 July 2011

CRAPPY DAY

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What a crappy day I've had today!!

Tried to be good and get all my errands sorted, I envisioned it would take an hour at the maximum.

I started off at the bank, 25 minutes in the queue to make a withdrawal cos my bank card hasn't yet arrived. 30 minutes at the post office because they only had 3 staff on at the busiest time of the day. 10 minutes waiting for food. 10 minutes for my partner to come out of work to give me the money to pay in for him. 40 minutes waiting in my partner's bank to pay in some cash cos the machine was broken only to be told by the cashier that she'd been helping people 20 minutes ago (LIAR!). 20 minutes in the supermarket! 15 minutes in Boots to get some hair product. That's more than 2 hours of my life WASTED in a queue!



The cashier made me really angry! There was no need for her to lie to me! Also, in Boots the security guard followed me around the store then stood at the door watching as I walked up the high street! 

Then on my walk home I was verbally abused by some men driving by in a truck! When I got home to make myself a cup of tea the milk that I only bought yesterday and was dated 27 July was off!! I logged onto my selling Facebook page to find I'd been branded a thief and scammer. I opened the windows to let in some fresh air and discovered that there has been a flight path routed over our house!! Now I have a mosquito or something attacking me!! 

These days are sent to TEST us!! 



Tomorrow is a new day! More errands to run d'oh!! 

Anywho, come and join the new social network site Bipolar Spouses Network. We are still working out some kinks but hopefully we will have a fully functioning network soon!! 

Keep Smiling :):

Friday, 22 July 2011

Support

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As those with Bipolar Disorder will know, the one thing that helps us function in day-to-day life is support.

There is a lot of support out there for people who suffer with Bipolar Disorder. However, there is very little out there for the partners, spouses and family of those who suffer. To that end, a friend of mine has decided to create a social network aimed directly at those people. He has asked for me to be an administrator on the site and hopefully together we can work on it quickly to unleash it on the world!!

If you have a partner or are the parter of a sufferer, be sure to tell them about this site. There will be a Facebook connection so that you may log in via your Facebook.



Speaking of support, my partner has decided that he is going to accompany me to the doctors which is an absolute relief! I walked past the surgery today and I actually felt a little sick! 

I guess it's something I need to tackle one way or another, going to the doctors. It's just that I get so frustrated! They are always so determined to push me into taking medication and don't seem to ever offer any kind of alternatives!! I'm determined that I'm going to, at least, try the nutritional route. I believe that is probably the wisest. Weight gain is one of the most common side effects of all drugs used to alleviate the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder and I'm just not prepared to accept that. It may well sound silly but I've had weight issues all my life and now I'm happy with my weight!! Besides which, the medication deals mostly with the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder and simply numbs you (this is what I've gathered from a lot of the people I've spoken to who are medicated).



I haven't felt much like writing since that knock I took via Facebook the other day, it's frustrating as I doubt the bloke actually realises how his comments have affected me. I tried to be polite but I couldn't! It's so difficult to remain calm when someone has upset me and I guess I can be overly sensitive from time to time, especially if I am in one of my moods. My partner had said to me that everyone is entitled to their opinion and, as always, he is right but when that opinion is a direct attack on me I will go for the jugular no questions asked!! 



Anyway, I'm sure I will be back on form again soon!! 

Keep your eyes peeled for the launch of this new website!! 

Keep Smiling :):

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Handle with Care

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The past few days I have been somewhat fragile.


I'm not entirely certain what caused it but there have been a number of things that have contributed to it.


I have a process when I write my blogs. I look to people for inspirations, people ask me to write about things and sometimes things just occur to me.


On Sunday, I did Race for Life with a friend and when I got home I wrote a blog about being let down. When I've written a blog I will share it via my own Facebook and Twitter pages as well as adding the link to various groups on Facebook. Once I posted my blog on Sunday I shared it as usual via the channels mentioned above and left it at that. Within 10 minutes I had received the following message:


"i think you need 2 CHILL THE FUCK OUT and stop dwelling on things that blog sent my head ten million fuckin directions at once WHY ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? AND I READ EVERY BIT OF THAT SHIT TALK ABOUT DRAMA YOU DONT NEED NONE OF THAT SHIT CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL K.I.D"


Then I received this in my inbox:


"whatever THE FUCK YOUR PROBLEM is you need to CHILL OUT and STOP attention seeking. your obviously just a stupid fucking teenager with nothing better to do than cry about your pathetic life"






I got very upset and then very angry about these messages.


I feel like my blog is providing a service to people. I am not writing it for attention. If I was, I wouldn't do it anonymously and I wouldn't go to such great lengths to conceal my identity! 


I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and my blog is not for everyone but the statistics show that my blog is being read very widely around the world.


What I don't understand is why people feel the need to attack me for writing what I do. I read a great many books about adults who were abused severely as children or about adults who have worked with emotionally disturbed children. I find these books inspiring and rewarding. They show me that we as human beings can overcome a great many trials and still go on to be successful and happy.






One of my biggest fears is the fear of failure. I feel like if I fail at what I do then I am simply doing as was expected of me!! 

As ever, I am grateful to my wonderful readers who follow my blog and keep me going with their words and actions.

It's true what they say that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Yesterday I was all geared up to go and register with my local doctor's practice and when I got to the door I saw it was closed on Wednesdays between 13:00 and 14:00!! I feel like that was a bit of a sign!



I still have every intention of going today to register, that's the first step!!

I hope to be able to put my anxieties to one side and have a nice weekend. It's not something I am particularly looking forward to but hopefully I can just get through it with no dramas! 

Then there's my relationship to work on! Things have been a bit stressful recently as my partner doesn't always know how to deal with my moods and more often than not he inadvertently makes them worse.

Little baby steps and things will be fine!! 

I found this picture today and I thought I would share it with everyone as it made me laugh!! 




So, Keep Calm and Carry On!! 

Keep Smiling :(:

Monday, 18 July 2011

Self Harm

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One of my readers has asked me about cutting. He wishes to know why I decided to cut, what was going through my mind, what did it feel like.

Some readers might find this blog upsetting to read so please, proceed with caution.



When I first cut myself, I was 13. I had been through some difficult times which I don't feel ready to share at the moment.

I remember feeling so many emotions all at the same time. Hate, hurt, anger, frustration, irritation. I was tired and I felt so alone. I needed to get away from everyone and everything. I took a walk. It was dark and quite cold. I walked to a nearby park and sat on the swings. I sat there for about an hour, trying to figure out why I felt the way I did, how to deal with the emotions, how to get rid of them. I started to cry. I slid from the swing onto the floor and started to beat my fists on the floor. It hurt but I didn't care. I began to get more angry. I could feel the rage rising up inside me, radiating from my toes up to my head. I felt I could have burst into flames.



Whilst beating my fists I cut my hand. It felt good. I felt like a little of the pent up frustration was seeping out. 

I found a shard of glass and I used it to cut one of my finger tips. It felt so good. Like something was being released. I cut another finger, watched the blood flow. It was so strange. More frustration was seeping out of the cut. Within 10 minutes I had cut all of my finger tips, the pain was so intense. It hurt a lot but it felt so good! Although this act was immediately conscious, within a few minutes I didn't realise what I was doing until suddenly my hands were covered with blood.



After that I went home. I washed my hands and carried on with the rest of my evening.

The next time I cut I was walking home from after school club. I had been beaten and I could feel the rage radiating again. I found some glass outside the pub and I cut myself again. The same feeling of release washed over me. I continued my journey home and went about my usual activities.

After that it became almost automatic. Every time I cut myself I didn't even realise. It was only afterwards when I put my hands into hot water that I realised because I could feel the sting.



My cutting was not a suicide attempt. Nor was it a cry for help. It was a way to release emotions that I had no idea how to deal with.

I stopped when I was 15 because my little sister walked in on me when I'd cut myself at home. She freaked out and started screaming at me. She kept saying over and over that she couldn't believe I could be so stupid. Seeing the look in her eyes, seeing that fear, I stopped immediately.

It started again when I was around 19. I would just scratch myself over and over in the same place. I didn't realise I was doing and it was only when I'd released whatever it was pent up inside me that I realised what I'd done. Soon that wasn't enough but every time that I thought about cutting myself I could see my little sister's face so I found an alternative solution. Tattoos. My first tattoo was a small one in an area that couldn't be seen. The pain from the tattoo felt so good. It was like a burning sensation. It was almost like the same pain as cutting and scratching only it wasn't me doing it. That seemed to make it somehow better. To date, I have 10 tattoos.





I started cutting again last year. I was again on auto-pilot when this happened and it was only afterwards that I would realise.

The past few years I had been under a lot of stress. My relationship was very turbulent and I'd had what I could only describe as a mental break down around New Year 2010. It started before Christmas 2009. Things were happening at home, things were going very badly. My relationship was also very strained. My boyfriend was unable to comprehend what I was going through and I felt extremely alone. 

After waking up in hospital on New Year's day 2010 I knew something had broken in my relationship. My partner was sat on a chair at the end of my bed and he looked angry at me. 



In February 2010 my partner and I split. It seemed to be the best idea. We were separated for a few months before deciding, in fact, it was not the best idea and that we wanted to be together but things needed to change. My partner started to learn about bipolar disorder and it's effects on a person and I decided I wanted to go to college.

In September 2010 I started college. I enjoyed it but I was still under a lot of stress. I could feel the pressure once again building up inside me. It was only afterwards that I realised I'd cut myself again. This time not on my fingertips but on my forearms. The cuts were ugly and very visible so I wore long sleeves until they faded.

After that, I moved onto my thigh. I would use my craft knives and I would cut deep. I didn't feel the pain. Only the release.

Again, these cuts were completely unconscious. I didn't realise I was doing it. Often I would sit with a knife blade pushed into my skin, not cutting but causing enough pain to feel some release and when that wasn't enough I would draw the blade across my skin and cut. When I'm done, when I'm watching the blood drip from the cut I can only describe myself in the way Pink Floyd does. I become comfortably numb.



So there you have it. Cutting was a way for me to release emotions from my body that I had no idea how to deal with. What started as a conscious act soon became unconscious and automatic. Something over which I have no control.

I would never condone cutting. It can be extremely dangerous. Some suggested alternatives are:

Holding ice on your wrist
Pinging an elastic band on your wrist
Punch a punchbag or your pillow
Write down your feelings
Touch something hot for a second
Go for a walk
Call a friend
Email me

If you do feel the need to cut however, cut safe! Don't cut deep. Don't cut in dangerous places and keep the wound clean.

Keep smiling :):

Saturday, 16 July 2011

Anxiety

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The past few days I have been suffering a lot of anxiety. I'm not entirely certain what caused it but I think I'm through it now. I wasn't sleeping too well and last night I had a good sleep and it looks like I my well have sorted my Uni funding out so I think I might just be ok!

It's so hard to describe things when you're feeling anxious and I have a feeling my partner doesn't get it. He sees me stressed or irritated and I think it stresses or irritates him.



Social situations make me very anxious and I guess recently I have found myself in a few of them!

Also, being uncertain of things make me anxious. When I don't know what's coming next or what to expect. I found myself involved with a person a few years ago who caused me a little bother. She'd become a central figure in my life through harassment and hassling. A few times, I thought I'd managed to shake her off but she would re-appear after some time with a renewed vengeance. She was becoming more of a problem each time she resurfaced. It seems now though that I have finally managed to shake her off with the help of a friend but I still have a niggling feeling she might still be around! 


You can never fully trust people. Especially when it comes to the internet. You just never know who it is sat behind that computer!! 

I have developed a habit of treating everyone with suspicion until they can prove to me otherwise. It's not the best habit to have but unfortunately, I've been hurt too much to be any other way. If someone wants to befriend me I often think to myself "what are they gaining from me". People I meet face to face are often given the benefit of the doubt if I like them. If someone makes me angry on first meeting them, that anger will often stick. 

Since starting my blog I've come across some very interesting people! Some of whom I've shared lengthy and great conversations.

I'm still hitting the occasional stumbling block whilst I am writing but I will strive to continue on a daily basis even if it's just to say hey!



Tomorrow is Race for Life so I should have lots to talk about!! 

Until then...

Keep Smiling :):

Friday, 15 July 2011

A BIG Thank You!

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I just want to say a great big THANK YOU to all of my readers!! Take a look at my worldwide statistics below:



This is just the top 10 countries!! 

When I started my blog I didn't think I'd reach any more than 100 people at the absolute most!! 

All of my readers are helping to keep me afloat! 

If you stop by my blog, be sure to add me on Facebook!!  

Rise in depression

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I was reading some news feeds today on Yahoo and I read that "More than four times as many prescriptions for anti-depressants were dispensed in England in 2009 than 18 years before, according to newly-published figures."

First of all, this isn't that much of an increase in 18 years really and truthfully! Second of all, I don't actually think that this is indicative of an increase in depression.

These days, all you need to get a chit for anti-depressants is to go to the doctors and tell them you're feeling a little down.



Furthermore, the doctors are so quick to prescribe medication these days. Whatever your ailment it seems there's a pill available to fix it! They never even mention an 'alternative' approach. By 'alternative' I don't necessarily mean homeopathy. I mean taking a good hard look at the root cause of the problems and fixing that rather than treating the symptoms!

The feed seemed to me a little contradictory. It goes on to state "Mental health problems can ultimately lead people to commit suicide - however, between 1991 and 2009, suicides in the UK fell among all adult age groups, and both males and females." This to me is a clear indication that people may well being prescribed anti-depressants who are not actually depressed! 

I met one such person who was prescribed mild anti-depressants by her doctor after splitting with her partner. Within 2 months she was on the maximum dosage despite the fact that she'd been to 3 psychiatrists who'd all stated that nothing was actually mentally wrong with her after extensive tests.



These attention seekers are the reason we actual sufferers are treated as lepers! They complain constantly about how awful their (actually perfect) life is. They call themselves fat when they're a size 6. They post threats of 'suicide' on Facebook and when people respond they react with "It's my life keep your nose out" yet if no one responds they react with "No one cares, I might as well not be here"! You can't win!! 

I find it all quite frustrating given that some of us actually DO suffer with depression and various mental illnesses and we still get overlooked. 

Depression and other mental disorders are 'glorified' these days! There are many "celebrities" who have (or claim to have) some sort of mental illness or another and 'survive' due to the medication they're given!! 

You'd think that these 'role models' would sooner look for alternative answers to set some sort of example to youngsters today rather than getting all 'hopped up' on prescription drugs!



There's a post that often does the rounds on Facebook "BUT YOU DON'T LOOK SICK???! - It's a daily struggle feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside. Please put this as your status for at least 1 hour if you or someone you know has an invisible illness!" This is SO true. It IS hard feeling sick on the inside but looking fine on the outside. Especially when you've had so many years of trying to hide it.



Some day we'll break the taboo on mental illnesses and people won't recoil in horror when you tell them. Some day it'll be ok to feel sick on the inside and look fine on the outside.

Keep Smiling :(:

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Missing - One Mojo!

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Since getting back from my holiday I've really lost my mojo! I don't know what's happened to it!!



I just don't have the same urge to write as much as I had been! It's so unfair!!

I am also needing more sleep as well at the moment!  I have a bad feeling it's the start of a huge downward spiral. I get like this sometimes when things get massively stressful. The aim of the holiday was to sort me out but we all know that didn't work!

I'm trying to sort out things for university but it seems like I am chasing my tail at the moment. I've been informed that I am not entitled to have my first year paid for since I've already studied at the same level twice before which is ridiculous as I hadn't had these courses paid for! I've also found out that I won't dins out anything about any grants/bursaries available to me until October! It's most annoying!! Just to add to my annoyances, I'm trying to sort out a job so I can work part time and apparently there's no way they can give me any sort of inclination as to what my timetable may be! I asked if they could send me the previous 2/3 years timetables so I could look for the similarities and make some sort of rough estimate but apparently they "can't do that"!



If there's one thing I hate it's uncertainty! I guess that's partly to do with my Bipolar but also partly down to my personality. I like to know what's coming next. I like routine, I thrive on structure!! That's why I had such a wonderful time in the Army! Everything was so structured and rigid! 

When I don't have all of the details I need I feel like I am stuck in some sort of limbo. Swimming through soup or something. It's an awful feeling and it makes me cranky and stressy!! 

I've tried calling people to find out what I need to know but I get fobbed off with "I'm sorry madam but we cannot give you this information".



I guess going on holiday left an opening for a whole load of administration to stack up and it irritates me!! I like all of my emails to be answered on a daily basis and I can't well do that whilst I'm on holiday without spending time in an internet cafe! Much as the pigs I went with were happy enough to do that... I wasn't! I did get the occasional wireless connection at the local gay bar in the evenings but it's difficult to work on my blackberry especially when it's full of sand!! 

So now I'm back home I'm trying to catch up on everything and I'm just getting very irritated!! 

I still love each and every one of my readers and I am always grateful for your patience and faith in me and I am sure once I am back to "normal" I will have either found my mojo or stole someone else's to pass off as my own!! 

In the meantime...

Keep Smiling :):


Monday, 11 July 2011

University Blues

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As you may know, I have applied for university this year. It is one of my lifelong goals, to attend university,  get a first, then a masters then eventually a PHD. I had given myself 10 years to fulfil this dream.

However, it seems like I have already hit a stumbling block. I applied for my student finance and they have agreed to give me a £7,000 maintenance loan but they will not give me a fee loan. Nor will they give me any grants or bursaries.  I don't understand this. I have not studied at university before and I'd thought it was pretty standard that your first degree would be covered by a loan.

It seems that since my partner earns a cushy wage, I'm entitled to the square route of sod all!



It's hard work trying to make something of oneself! It seems that no matter what I do someone always has a foot on my head trying to drown me!

My dad always used to say to me that I might as well just rob a bank. If I got caught, I'd go to prison, get 'rehabilitated' offered an education, free roof over my head, free food, possibly even a job. If I get away with it, I'll have all the money to do with as I please! It's a win win situation! 

I don't want my Bipolar Disorder to define my life. Nor do I wish to be defined by my roots! I want to be my own person and not the person the "man" says I ought to be! 

As you can see, this is more of a ranting blog than an informative one. I'm still sore from my disastrous holiday and just not quite feeling the release my blog provides me!

Please stay faithful loyal fans and I will try my best to set myself right again!! 

I'm going to see the doctors soon (maybe)!

Keep Smiling :(: 
Even if I'm not!

Sunday, 10 July 2011

Home again...

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I got back from my holiday yesterday. I wish I could say I had an amazing time but I don't wish to lie to my loyal readers!

I was supposed to be going with a very good friend from college but she's an absolute idiot who hadn't checked the validity of her passport so I got stuck with 5 chauvinistic pigs, 3 of whom I'd met briefly and 2 I had never met!

I'd decided to just suck it up and make the best of the holiday I so desperately needed! Unfortunately, I only have a certain level of tolerance and when I have to deal with a bunch of idiotic chavs hooting and hollering things like "Oi my size!" or "Hola, jiggy jiggy" at every woman that walked past there's only so much a sane person can take and let's face it, I'm not exactly sane!! It actually got worse too (if you can even imagine that) when the pigs in question found out that the legal age for sex in Spain is 13!! Even that much I could possibly have dealt with but when one of these pigs then decided to threaten my life... well, that was pretty much the end of my fun!

I wont lie, the place we stayed was beautiful, the weather was incredible and the food was just amazing but all of that was tainted by the company I had no choice but to keep!

Ah well, I guess I shouldn't have expected to have such a good time! I have to move forward and just put things behind me!

I'm doing Race for Life next week which I'm pretty psyched about! Should be good fun if the weather holds out!


I'm sure I'll be back to my normal self in a few days time so just bear with me and I will be back to my usual bloggy self in no time!! 

Keep Smiling :):