Sunday, 11 December 2011

Unbearable pain

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I have not done too well keeping up with my blog of late. I feel like I have no time for anything at the moment what with uni and work stealing focus.


I'm all but fully moved out of the ex's place now and I'm feeling a little lost and bewildered...!






I started this blog 2 weeks ago and have only just got back to finishing it!!


28 November 2011


What do you imagine to be the worst pain ever? Childbirth? Getting kicked in the nads? Heartbreak?


Imagine losing a loved one. You had no idea anything was wrong. The whole world was their best friend. They were loved, respected, looked up to. Then they're gone. So suddenly. Without warning.


Unfortunately, those of us who suffer with mental illnesses lose people who are close to us all the time and even though it's not necessarily to death, the pain hurts no less.


The weekend just passed, the world mourned the sudden and unexpected suicide of Gary Speed. He was a happily married man with a beautiful wife and 2 beautiful children. He had enjoyed a successful career as a footballer for  Leeds UnitedEvertonNewcastle UnitedBolton Wanderers and Sheffield United and then went on to become the manager of the Wales national team. His wife Louise had said that there had been no arguments in the time before his death and his friends and family claimed that he had not been depressed and had no clue as to why he took his own life.



REST IN PEACE GARY SPEED 8 September 1969 – 27 November 2011




Those who suffer will know that although we have a happily smiling face on the outside, usually we are being eaten alive inside. Depression of all kinds knows no bounds and can tear apart a person with no one even noticing.


In light of Speed's death there have been several footballers coming forward to seek help for their own problems. If anything positive can come of this tragic event it is more people seeking help.


Since I last wrote I had a birthday... Nothing exciting, just another year older! I got some nice gifts from one or two new uni friends and the odd thing from [some] family. However, the best present came a week after my birthday. One of my ex partners who is now one of my greatest friends brought my kitten back to me. Now this may sound like an ordinary gesture of friendship but when you consider that he actually took a 10 hour round trip for the sole purpose of bringing me my kitten using a method of transport that does not allow pets... That's one heck of a gift!! 



I came across a video earlier in the week sent to me by a friend on my Facebook. It was by some kid called Jonah Mowry. It was about being bullied at school for being gay. The video actually made me cry but then I saw some of the comments claiming it was fake so I did a little digging. Turns out this kid is just like a lot of other attention seekers out there!!  I don't doubt that he was bullied for being gay and I imagine it was horrid for him but what he doesn't tell you in his moving little video is how he is a bully too! He has a YouTube channel featuring parody style videos making a mockery of people who are overweight... THAT'S BULLYING!  




Before I knew this kid was also a bully, I made a video response as did many others. After I saw his other videos however, I created my own little video telling a little about me and my struggles.


I didn't make this video for attention (otherwise I would have shown my face) I made it to show others that they are not alone. Jonah's video had around 3 million hits when I watched it. The hit count currently stands at 7,588,469. 

Many of the people who have commented on Jonah's video have said that they felt inspired to tell their own story. I did too. So despite the fact that Jonah himself seems to have bullied others, he has inspired many more to tell of their own trying times and he can only be commended for that.

To that end, I will end my blog here but please, share your story too because you are NOT ALONE!

Keep smiling :):