My apologies in advance if my blog today seems a little jumpy!
I have been in and out of love with blogging for many years. When I am passionate about something, I will go hell for leather to let people know about it. I've blogged about my poetry, my artistic endeavours, my photography and my passion for children to name but a few! However, the one thing that has held my attention in blogging is mental health.
After about 18 months I'd reached a point where I could not cope any more. I snapped. I wanted to kill him. All of my rage exploded in his direction. I could quite easily have killed him, I had my hands around his throat, squeezing the life out of him. As quickly as the rage came, it left. Suddenly I realised what I was doing. I let go of his throat and fled the house. I returned to my home town to get away from it all. Whilst there, I binged on drugs and alcohol to blot out the pain. Upon returning to London I found myself living alone for the first time.
That was when I first fell apart in a major way. I made an attempt on my life at this point. I didn't want to live any more. I swallowed a handful of pain killers and downed some vodka. Fortunately (or unfortunately at the time), once the lethal mix hit my stomach I vomited it straight back up. I felt like such a failure. I couldn't even successfully take my own life. After a period of bleakness I started therapy, the details of which are contained in this blog. I have still more to discuss about my suicidal ideations, however, I'm not presently strong enough emotionally.
Keep smiling :(: