Ok, let's have a breakdown of this article. I'm feeling vehemently angry just from the introduction!
Instable relationships (as in instability) are a characteristic of Borderline Personality Disorder.
Instable relationships are a characteristic of Borderline Personality Disorder -- but what does an instable relationship actually look like? This article describes a common and very confusing failure pattern that evolves over time.
First of all, this article is so badly written that it hurts my brain to dissect it! Secondly, this writer is a therapist?! HOLY SHIT!! The third thing I immediately notice is unsurprisingly, the author is male. BPD is a disorder that predominantly affects women. You can't argue with statistics. However, his article has been written about women entirely. Poor form! Finally before I delve into the hyperbole written here, Mr Melton has an MA and not an MSc. Frankly, that makes his take on BPD entirely unsurprising to me! (Yes I'm scoffing at his whimsical MA and point scoring - just my opinion. I'm not attacking anyone with an MA here, it's just unsurprising to see this kind of take on any mental health issue from a person with an MA.)
I am writing my response here using my personal experiences being both Borderline AND female, I think I have a little authority here.
Love - the Vulnerable Seducer Phase:
Personally, I AM shy. People poke fun at me for saying this. It's true. I am painfully shy and incredibly socially awkward. This is not an act. Yes, I am vulnerable sometimes. However, I am not, I repeat NOT in need of rescuing.
When I tell someone that no one understands me, it's true. Very few people understand me. Myself included sometimes! Borderline Personality Disorder is a very confusing illness to live with. I often have difficulties reading emotional signals from others and have once or twice misconstrued someone's caring feelings for love.
I know I fall in love very quickly. I am happy to admit that and it rarely works out as planned but then, what does?! I have found more often than not, my "emotional bearing down" as Mr Melton calls it, causes prospective partners to flee in the opposite direction!
I can fall very easily in and out of love. If a partner were to feel uncomfortable with my "intensity" then they should surely let me know! I am aware that I can be intense but if a partner allows that intensity to make them feel uncomfortable, who is really at fault here?
If an individual's "heart's desire" is a partner who "... elevates, adores, idealises... Worships" them then frankly, Borderline Personality Disorder is the least of their worries!
Love - the Clinger Phase
“I love you” means – “I need you to love me”. “That was the best ever for me” means – tell me “it was the best ever for you”. Show me that I have you.
If an individual's interest in a relationship is solely themself, again, Borderline Personality Disorder is not the issue here.
As a human being (all mental health related issues aside) I find it incredibly difficult to feign interest in something. If I don't like it, I don't like it. It's that simple! I will always support a partner's interests and actively encourage them to pursue things that bring them happiness but I simply cannot pretend to be invested in something I'm not. I would much rather hurt someone with the truth than soothe them with a lie. I think that's actually a deplorable quality that human beings have! I'm not saying I won't become interested in something. Sometimes I will. However, I know my own mind and I know my likes and dislikes! I'm pretty sure this is not a trait of BPD! Furthermore, who doesn't perk up a little when a conversation is either about them or something they are interested in? Again, this is HUMAN NATURE! That being said, I am absolutely not a narrow minded individual and my interests are vast and varied.
If an individual confuses compassion with love (as I have) then they are the problem. They clearly have difficulties in reading emotional signals and perhaps need to have a word with themselves. I am very honest and open about my feelings. If I am in love with a person, I will let them know. How they choose to respond to such information is entirely up to them.
Being referred to as a "devious clinger" enrages me so much that I'm not even going to dignify it with a response!
I am often ailed with "invisible, malignant companions". It is called FIBROMYALGIA and yes, my pain can often intensify when I am feeling depressed or anxious. Once again, I am a human being and all of these things are intricately linked!
By referring to BPD sufferers as a "cauldron of emotional unpredictability" is so disgustingly offensive! BPD is an emotional instability. It just is and yes, that makes us unpredictable but we are still worthy of love! Yes, we will erupt like Vesuvius. It is unpleasant. For us, for our partner, for anyone unfortunate enough to witness this. However, this is how BPD manifests. It is not a trick. It is not a ploy. It is not a tactic used to "imbed our guilt hooks" into an individual! If our partner were willing to work with us, together we could abate the volcano before it erupts. This is not manipulation but common fucking sense! If an individual wishes to embark upon a relationship with an emotionally unstable partner, the risk is upon both of them and the decent thing to do is to work together on handling the emotions and identifying triggers and recognising the moods and then tempering them. We do this together. AS A PARTNERSHIP!
This next part, I cannot even deal with it! "...you are involved with a Borderline Personality Disorder..." Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?! This is one of the most outrageous statements I have ever come across and the fact that it was written by a therapist makes my very skin crawl!!
I will repeat again, we do not need help. We are not in distress. We do not need saving. We don't like being this way but we are not victims and if you will treat us that way, again, you are the problem!
"The sexual experiences, while imposing, are motivated from a desire to dominate you, not please you." Are you fucking kidding me right now?! Again, this is NOT BPD that Mr Melton is referring to!
Yes, my sexual relationships have very often been intense and, not blowing my own trumpet, but sex with me is fantastic. This is not because of some desire to control or manipulate my partner. This is because I know what gets me off sexually. I derive great pleasure from pleasuring my partner. I like to know exactly what turns them on and I like them to know exactly what turns me on. After all, what is the point of being sexually involved with someone otherwise?!
"I love you" means just that. It does not mean "I need you to love me". We all like to be loved. Of course we do but I don't NEED that. It is nice to love and be loved. That is all.
"That was the best ever for me" means exactly that. If it was the best ever for them too it's nice to hear it but I am not begging for their affection or adoration.
Love - the Hater Phase
Again, this entire section does not read like someone with BDP. This is Gaslighting. A term I suggest Mr Melton becomes familiar with!
"Rage reactions are also unpredictable and unexpected." Well, yes! This is the nature of rage! Dur!
Again, I cannot even dignify the rest of this paragraph with a response as it is so disgustingly written!
I suggest that Mr Melton seriously reconsiders his career choice!
Most of what is written here is NOT directly and exclusively related to Borderline Personality Disorder. There is a lot of narcissism involved here and predominantly Gaslighting.
This article has portrayed women with BPD as dangerous predators who will sink their "guilt hooks" into a man and destroy them from the inside out. This is a dangerous and incredibly stigmatising view on Borderline Personality Disorder and I am incredibly enraged by it.
Yes, individuals with BPD (NOT "a borderline personality" thank you very much you heinous excuse for a human being!) are emotionally unstable. Yes, individuals with BPD are statistically more likely to be women. However, we are NOT all as this article describes. We are very loving, caring individuals who want to essentially heal the world! We feel all of our emotions intensely and want to do anything to prevent anyone feeling the pain and turmoil we feel on a daily basis. We already feel unworthy of the love we are given. Be that in a relationship of a sexual nature or a relationship with a friend and this article only serves to make us feel much fucking worse about ourselves so thank you very much Mr Melton you absolute cuntbucket!
Ps - this is how you write a gender neutral article you misogynistic twunt!