I am seeing more and more fat shaming posts recently and it’s really starting to grind my gears. Especially when people preach “eat better and exercise more” as a solution. I have a chronic condition that means my joints bend too much the wrong way and sometimes dislocate. I also have a chronic pain issue which at best is typically a 7/10 on the pain scale. I want to exercise but I need guidance from a professional who can teach me how to exercise whilst taking into account my conditions and not making them worse by exercising badly. Such practitioners are few and far between and also bloody expensive! I am currently on a waiting list behind approximately 8 people for an assessment that will set me back £80. If I decide to then take classes it will cost me £60 per session. I’m just one of many with weight issues and I’m sure other people have issues that can’t be fixed by simply eating right and exercising.
I used to go to the gym but because of my mental health issues I became completely obsessed with “eating clean and exercising well” to the point where i was only eating steamed chicken and vegetables and exercising 6 days a week, 3 hours a day. Yeah, I lost a load of weight and looked great, however I was making myself really ill.
Before you go about preaching how someone should have better self control, how about you have self control and shut your fucking mouth! As my mum used to say; “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all!”
Every morning when I wake up my head feels heavy. My mouth is dry. One or both of my arms is numb. Something is dislocated (usually my shoulder). I have a headache. My back hurts. My eyes feel gritty.
Throughout the day the pain moves around my body. I’m sure everything hurts but sometimes I feel more areas than others. Putting pressure on any part of my body hurts. Standing for too long makes my feet/knees/back ache. My bones crack, grind and crunch constantly. My headache usually intensifies. I’m ALWAYS hot. ALL. THE. TIME! If I wear a coat I sweat more than usual (which is a lot already) but if I don’t wear a coat the cold attacks my bones. Wearing long sleeves makes me feel physically sick - I’m not kidding! I feel like I’m suffocating when my forearms are covered!
When I get to bed, I have these weird shock like sensations in various parts of my body. Mostly my lower body. I can’t get comfy sitting or slouching or lying. Sleep usually comes eventually but often it is fitful. I rarely sleep without waking at least once in the night and 6+ hours sleep is like a holiday! (But I’m still tired)
This is just an overview of a day in my life as a fibro warrior. I rarely complain. I work on average 60 hours a week in a physically demanding job. My fibro also affects my tummy and my mood.
Now I’ve been told I may have something ELSE wrong with me. Something else in addition to:
Generalised Anxiety Disorder Social Anxiety Borderline Personality Disorder Bipolar Disorder Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Insomnia Fibromyalgia Hyper Mobility Syndrome Raynaud Syndrome (That’s all I can remember right now!)
I love hanging out with my friends but sometimes it can be VERY overwhelming mentally, physically and emotionally and it can sometimes take me a week to recover from a social engagement.
I’m not telling you this for sympathy or attention. Just to let you know what I go through every day. I go through all of this WITHOUT MEDICATION.
Sometimes I’m grumpy. Sometimes I’m moody. Sometimes I’m sad. Most of the time I am incapable of telling you WHY I’m feeling this way. Oftentimes I don’t actually know what it is that I’m feeling and it is confusing which in turn makes me feel very defensive.
One thing I know for sure is that I love and appreciate each and every one of my friends more than they would ever understand.
2016 was probably my most socially active year in a long time. I want to continue to be socially active and always appreciate event invites but I can’t guarantee I will attend. Even if I feel great in the morning, 5 minutes before I’m due to be social, something may change and I simply cannot face it.
I want to thank everyone who supported me through 2016. It was a very hard year for me. Even if you sent a short “Hope you’re ok” message, believe me, it helped!
Lets keep encouraging and supporting each other! Lets empower each other. Most of all, lets be kind to each other because even if someone looks fine on the outside, you have no idea what is going on inside.